Oh Dear!

It amazed me how it takes me a very long period of time to get over of something or someone that are not meant to be. All those while, even not wasted in haste, but definitely considered a bit a waste, turned out to be fruitless. In my inner self, I thought that waiting is a virtue, but not in this case. It just plainly waste of the most precious commodity to me; time.

Maybe I’ve been trying too hard to fill up my days to find something or someone to hold on. In my entire life, I’ve been searching for something. Peace and happiness. Like anyone else. Even I spend all my time working and praying for ‘something’ to overcome the insecurity inside of me, to feels good enough to deserve it. Like anyone else too, I do have my weaknesses and fears. I did found and lost it. Feels lucky and blessed regardless what had happened. Teach me how to be choosy and make a better choice in life. Don’t take it as it is. Then find it again. But I guess, sometimes, a heart just need to go. And there’s nothing I can do. Pray to God that you never know what it is like to love, without hope that love being returned. But still....

All my life, I’ve been waiting. My quest of happiness seem like go on and on. The ending is beyond me. How many dreams will shatter? How many times will pass me by. How many times can I pretend to be all right? I do not know. All I can do is wait and wait again. But perhaps mine is not here.

Perhaps.